Weeping. I am so deathly afraid of not being good enough: my Achilles' heel. I cannot...cannot what? It leaves me too quickly to say.
No matter what else, Steve, you must
1) Avoid embarrassment
2) Avoid confrontation
3) Avoid incompetence
4) Never show weakness.
Thinking of father...I am overwrought, embarrassed, weak, unable to control. I have no control. I know I never had control. Why does it bother me so?
Just on the other side, I almost imagine
a life, unencumbered
by doubt, regret, fear.
I almost see the face of a young man
enjoying the world unfolding
around in a mysterious symphony.
The truth sears the eyes open...
The truth of the eyes:
the deep chasm of not ever being good enough to be accepted as one.
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